Feeling down

It's been a long time since I posted on here. I just wanted to share some thoughts. I love my wife so very much, I am just not sure we will survive my transition. I find myself battling to stay emotionally connected in light of recent events. I wish I could just go away for a while to think things over but I have nowhere to go. I feel trapped and the only way out is destructive to everything that I have built. I don't know what to do.